This morning I feel exhausted.
This morning is the first time I haven’t hit snooze, I got up. I did my workout. I’ve been leaving them to the evenings this week, which is a double-edged sword. On one hand, I have more energy because I’m stocked up from the day. On the other, it sort of feels like it is looming over you, it becomes a task, another thing to get done.
This morning I am thinking there’s a reason my body has been wanting that extra 30 – 40 minutes in bed.
Nothing actually hurts, I just feel heavy all over, including my head!
I might be hyper-sensitive to this at the moment, and that’s why I decided to ignore my body today. But, last night, just before I went to sleep, I read somebody’s post about listening to your body. How it paid off, led to good things.
So why do I find it so difficult? I’m only competing with and against myself, so why can’t I give me a break? What am I punishing me for? What do I think will go wrong if I have two rest days in a week instead of one?
I know the answer really. It’s to do with external factors, it’s to do with control. There are so many things up in the air in my life at the moment, I’m probably over-focused on the ones I can do something about.
I’m still figuring out how I will make money. I’m still figuring out how to get my ex boyfriend to leave me alone. I’m trying really hard not to measure myself against other people’s achievements, their progress so far.
I’ve done lots of great things to be proud of, and I’m in a different place to them right now. But this wasn’t a crash, it was a conscious decision. So I need to keep the right mindset about it. Unfortunately, my method of focus means being pretty mean to myself!
This morning I’ve had all of this in the back of my mind but not really acknowledged it. I’ve quietly decided to take control of other things – I’ve crossed four things off of my list (you know I like lists…)?? That’s great! My progress at the moment might seem small to other people around me, but that’s just because it doesn’t matter as much to them. I don’t mean that in a bad way, their priorities are different, and their areas of understanding are different. If I start talking to people about blogging, Pinterest, figuring out how to drive traffic, thinking about becoming a virtual assistant, or just obsessing about my fitness tracker, they don’t see the bigger picture. They don’t understand how all of the pieces could fit together. And that’s okay, this is very specific to me, and that’s the whole point.
However, this means I’m even more vulnerable of falling prey to my own cruel self. I need to figure out how to be more kind to me. I’m going to start tomorrow – I’m going to ask myself honestly whether I should stay in bed. And if the answer is yes, I’m going to cut myself some friggin’ slack!