When I met…Eddie Izzard

I used to love Eddie Izzard. I thought Definite Article was hilarious. I had it on vhs – complete with the fuzzy red jacket on the box.

To be honest, I thought he went off a bit after Dress to Kill. But I still had a soft squidgy place in my heart and my memory for him.

Tangent: In 2014, I went to see Monty Python at the O2. I hadn’t been a fan, but I liked them all individually. I mean, I think Michael Palin is a legend. I also loved Fawlty Towers when I was small. And I had a soft spot for the two Terries (Gilliam and Jones). Jones mostly because of Labyrinth. I’m not going to start talking about how important Bowie is to me now…it would take too long!

We stayed right around the corner from the O2, and caught the cable car across from our hotel. Which, by the way, is absolutely terrifying in windy conditions. I thought I was going to hurl. Not to mention my panic realising that there was no way out until we got to the other side. And yes, I know how stupid that sounds!

We went in, took our seats and waited. We’d had a beer or two ahead of the show. Then it all started, the big screens were amazing and it was all so open, it was strangely engaging given the massive area. The sound was awesome – everything they said was super crisp and clear, nothing was lost for the scale of the show. I was surprised by how much I loved it. I laughed so hard. Then came the intermission. I needed to go to the loo, so I did that while my partner went to the bar to get some more beers.

It was pretty crowded as everyone filtered either to the bar or past it for the toilets. I turned to my left, and it was Eddie Izzard. >Swear word< EDDIE IZZARD! I was beside myself. I said “Hello Eddie” and grinned.

He was not happy.

He asked me to not draw attention to him.

Now hang on a minute. We were in a crowd of people. He was a guy, wearing a sh*t ton of makeup, heels and I think a velvet jacket (my memory may have painted in the velvet jacket, but it’s plausible, right?). I was the only one in the crowd who was talking to him. And everyone else was ignoring me.

I asked him, very nicely, if I could take a picture with him. He said no. Told me if he did that for me, he’d have to do that with everyone.

Remember, all of those other people ignoring him? They’d be ever so upset not to have their photo taken with him.

Still excited, I sort of said “oh, okay…” and asked if I could give him a kiss on the cheek. I know I sound mental. I’d had two beers and not much food. And maybe I was a bit mental.

He said no. And honestly, looked at me like I had a contagious disease.

I ignored him and I kissed his cheek anyway. I know that was wrong. I know that it was his right to refuse me. I know that I crossed a line.

So then I took his photo. I honestly don’t think he saw me do that. But maybe he did.

I went off to the loo, as did he – but we went through different doors.

After I was done, I went and stood by the bar, and text my partner I’d just seen Mr. Izzard, then I told him where I was waiting.

While I was waiting, a very attractive girl came and stood by me. I smiled and said hi, she reciprocated.

And then, something AMAZING happened.

Eddie came back from the toilet. He was with the very attractive girl. The one who was stood right next to me.

He looked at me, with shock and a smidge of disgust I think, and then he awkwardly stood there, waiting for whoever they were with to bring their drinks from the bar.

Now, the whole time I was stood there, I smiled like an idiot. Not a single person came over to talk to him or ask him for a photo or to face rape him. Not one. There were no crowds to be fought off, nobody to disappoint.

It really did look like I may have been his only fan in the whole of the O2. And he disappointed me.

Things haven’t been the same since that day. I’d probably still laugh at Definite Article – if I watched it. But I don’t think I will.

I just feel a little…disappointed with him. You know? He could have been so much cooler. Oh well.

I’m sure there’s a lesson in there somewhere. Like, maybe be cool to anyone who thinks you’re great – they may be the only one. Or, be cool to nice girls who are happy to see you, they might put what really happened on the internet one day. Or, perhaps there’s no lesson at all. Perhaps he was just having an off day. But, if you’re having an off day, maybe try and blend in a bit with the crowd?

I just don’t get it.

Oh well. The Pythons were amazing, it was a fantastic show and Eddie didn’t take any of the shine off it for me. I’m glad I went, and I’m glad I got to be there to see it.

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