What is the truth about men?

There’s always the talk of how guys don’t understand women. That women are always making and changing rules and whatever. I don’t get it.

Don’t get me wrong – women are very confusing. I certainly don’t understand many of them. I know that we say everything’s fine when it most definitely isn’t. I know that we often have the stubbornness of fixing things ourselves for fear of proving ourselves to be weaker or whatever. But those things sort of make sense.

Men? No sense at all. There’s no logic, the bricks don’t stack up in any order. They certainly aren’t colour coded!

This has been confusing me for a few days, it’s been on my mind. It started off with me thinking about the men I know, how they are so very different from each other.

In case you haven’t guessed, this post isn’t about climbing or running. Well, it might be, indirectly.

So I was thinking about the decisions, relationships and friendships I’ve formed with the different men in my life. That drifted off into me just noticing how men in general go about their business. I realise I sound like a creepy spectator, maybe I am.

So many of them are wandering around advertising their childhood – have they really not moved on? Or is it okay for that to still be at the forefront of their lives? You know what I’m talking about, it’s the Star Wars t-shirts. Or Captain America – this one I find particularly confusing. Anyway. I’m not mocking here, I’m musing.

So, is it about holding on to their youth? Or is it still genuinely important? Or, perhaps more simply, do they just not care? It’s just a t-shirt. I’m over-thinking it. Perhaps the Star Wars t-shirts are gifts from desperate girlfriends, sisters and mothers who just don’t know what to buy this man for his birthday or Christmas. Perhaps.

During breakfast this morning with my girl and my niece and nephew, my mum walks in with a magazine.

Pause: Don’t forget, I’m living with my parents at the moment. It’s a situation I’m dealing with and am very grateful for. And seem to pay for emotionally on a daily basis! Anyway, it’s not a commune or anything…promise.

Un-pause: The magazine is full of exterior light fittings. A whole magazine. Catalogue if you like. She tells me that dad has been pawing over this thing and he’s finally decided which light will be perfect above the porch. She shows me.

I am not kidding. It was HIDEOUS. At this point, my mum looks like she might actually be choking back vomit.

I validate her disgust and tell her that’s not the light she needs to get.

Then I realise – the light dad “loves” is functional. Just functional. It’s a big, sod off light with a sensor on it. One of those ones that burns retinas when you look up at it in shock in the dark – heck, even in daylight!

I don’t want to do men a disservice or even make a sweeping generalisation, but there does seem to be a binary trend. There seems to be an argument to suggest men work on a single processor. I’m going to get geeky here, but guys, maybe you’ll be with me on this (another unfair generalisation there). Let’s say some women work on a quad core processor. This means they can sort of hold four things in their mind at once.

I am not for one second confirming that women can multitask. We can’t. Nobody can, not effectively anyway. Just focus on the one thing you are doing, do it properly and then do the next one. That’s the efficient, sensible and proper way to do things. Stop messing about pretending to have a super power when you don’t.

But, when shopping for a light, it is possible to look for more than just functional. The quad core processor could consider function, form, longevity and perhaps also wonder what’s for dinner.

It’s like having multiple tabs open on your browser, you can only look at one at a time, but while you’re looking at that one, the other three are loading. With men, it seems that they are still on Windows 98 or something? Remember, back when life was simple, boxy, grey and functional – well, mostly.

Then I realised something. I’m being lazy. I’m using a convenient explanation – not an actual one. Just because it looks like there’s a direct correlation, doesn’t mean that there’s even any relationship at all. I’m talking about the split between men and women.

It’s laziness to pick up a general theory and add to the fake reasoning. Which led me to a slightly depressing conclusion:

People don’t make sense

There, I said it.

It’s not just men who wear their childhoods. I do it too, in a less obvious way. I have some t-shirts that are 15 years old, and I still wear them. Maybe one day, I might not be ridiculously comfortable in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Maybe one day, I might actually establish some style – but it’s not happening any time soon!

I can think of a whole bunch of women who run on single processors, and some men who have more than a quad core (ha).

My point is, I think realising you know nothing is a step up from thinking you know something, when that something is wrong.

So what now? I guess I need to figure out how to become blind to those Star Wars t-shirts. Why does it annoy me so much? I think because it seems so mindless. Yes I’m wearing 15 year old t-shirts, but I’m the only one wearing these. They are mine. I chose them, and it’s a love that’s lasted.

These guys all look the same? So generic.

Back to Captain America for a bit. I can’t tell if I love or hate the irony of seeing that iconic shield stretched and distorted over goodness knows what’s lurking underneath!

I think I may have figured out one thing about men at least – they just don’t care what’s on their t-shirts.

Do all men really love star wars?

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